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Some days are really bloody hard. A zero day after I had 3 previous zero days, it's harder. A zero day, after previously having 3 days of zero, and being on your period, and exploring new unexpected feelings is harder! What the blip?! Basically today was very difficult for me. I'm struggling with a lot of things, but most just a few that are holding me back in my selling abilities.

I think I have a pretty good grasp on who I am. I am a sassy, flirty, fun, happy, extrovertive, creative, cheery, friendly, spontaneous, spunky, opinionated, nice person. I am cute, and I am young. I am not pushy. Sassy yes, pushy? Maybe sometimes. But I am having a very hard time finding a balance. I need to not take people's crap with me when I leave their doorstep. I need to know that they will never see me again, so I can push just a little more. Instead of being timid and pushing less. You can push and teach and guide and lead someone to a conversation that they didn't originally intend to have, without being rude and 'pushy'.     >Hence my struggle. I need to find a way to keep the fire and burn and motivation I came out here with. I need to just let go and push through each day and meet my goals.

There is a guy out here. I won't say too much. But I like him. I am pulled to him in a semi-gravitational manner that I'm not familiar with. It's not really a twitter-pation persay, but I am drawn to being around him and getting to know him and liking him more and more with everything he says. I think I'll let things go where they go and hopefully it's a happy place full of rainbows and roses. :) When things are more certain and a little less fresh I'll share more.

I would like to reiterate in a slightly very pathetic way, that this job is hard and it's so easy to get down. If anyone ever needs any reason to be a good saint and earn brownie points for heaven... I'm giving you a great opportunity. Send me a sweet message, or letter (tangible things are always more exciting!) or you can send me goodies. :) or pictures or whatever else you may have the notion too. Really this is a pitiful attempt to invoke 'pity' and receive presents to lighten my days. :) -> If I have been successful, please refer to the address below.

14956 Scholls Ferry Road J301

Beaverton Oregon 97007

I love you all and am missing Utah. (Of course, as if I ever couldn't?!)

Good Night.