This has been quite the week for me. I've learned a lot about myself, and I've been stretching my wings a little more. We've all been asked, "what are you going to do with your life? what do you want to be when you grow up? what matters most to you? what is your ultimate goal?"I've been thinking about these types of questions lately. Any one who knows me very well. Especially, my sweet family, will tell you I am all over the place. I start one thing, I get bored or it doesn't go my way, and I move on to the next thing that catches my eye. SQUIRREL. :)
When I was a little girl, I took an art class and it was the same way. I would start a painting, and as I'm working on it, a new idea would fall across my path, and I'd lose focus on the thing I was working on. Imagine if you will, the little girl at the Easter Egg Hunt, who is SO excited. She starts collecting eggs on the ground, and a shiny wrapper in a tree catches her eye. She tries to climb the tree to reach the shiny wrapped treat, but then a bigger brighter egg over under a bush flashes at her. Even though climbing the tree wasn't easy. She didn't quit, because it was hard. She quit because she saw something different she wanted. Follow? I think that was a pretty good analogy.
I was home schooled up until my middle school years, and I started to ween into "the system". Though I truly did love a lot of things about school, I HATED when they made you fill out the 'future plans' packets, and speak with a parent and a counselor to discuss your 'road map'. Are you kidding me? My future career was changing as often as my teenage, estrogen driven, hormonal mood swings.
Because of this tendency to get excited and passionate about new things in a tree, and then stop half way up the tree and collect the bigger shiny egg on the ground. People half noticed my lack of follow through. The way I see it? Not everyone can be Tape and Glue and Staples. Sometimes... we need rubber bands. Someone to snap back and be flexible enough to go a different direction! (Ooo, that was good too.)
I recognize that there will come a time when I have to stop whipping in different directions, and have my priorities straight. I will be a wife. I will be a mom. And when that day comes, I will be happy to the tips of my toes. THAT is my goal in life. I know how absolutely cliche that is, (and it is against my nature to be or want a cliche) but I accept that. I dream awake and asleep of my future children. Even more then I've ever dreamnt of my husband. I know that THAT is my priority. And for everyone around me watching me run in circles, and trying new things. Just smile and watch. You don't have to join my chaos. You don't have to JUDGE my chaos. Just be patient, and love me anyway. Because I don't love you any less for you lifestyles. I don't love you any less because you are happy doing one thing for the rest of your life.
I love YOU.
I hope you Love me too!
